While some consider orgasms the gold star of intimacy, for others, forced or destructive orgasms are just another way to have the best sex ever. Admittedly, if you don't understand the concept of orgasmic destruction, you can be at a loss as to what it is, how to do it, and why anyone would want to experience it
So whether you're interested in experiencing a ruined orgasm for yourself, just want to learn, or arrived here after falling down an internet rabbit hole (welcome!), here's literally everything you need to know about ruined orgasms.
There’s also the other definition of a ruined orgasm, which refers to a kink in the BDSM world that people strive to achieve during sex. It’s considered punishment and discipline in a dominant and submissive scene, The dominant-type might find pleasure in giving ruined orgasms, or the submissive-type might find joy in experiencing a ruined orgasm. The pleasure can come from a fetish for the disappointment that comes from a ruined orgasm or the tease-and-denial aspect. Sometimes, one will also find pleasure in being “forced” by their partner to do something worthy of earning a good orgasm, reports clinical sexologist Sarah Melancon, Ph.D in a MindBodyGreen article.
The most important part of having a ruined orgasm (or any type of orgasm) is consent. First, ensure both you and your partner(s) are aware and accept the dynamics in BDSM. If it’s your first time, there’s no shame in doing your research to ensure you’re doing what feels good and comfortable for you. Typically, there are safewords in BDSM, which signals the end of sexual play. Communicate with your partner to agree on a word that you both can use to let the other know you want to stop.
Once you’ve established consent and a safeword, the next step is foreplay. Usually, the dominant type will focus on teasing the submissive right up until the climax, which can be pleasurable on its own. Then, Story explains that right when you’re about to reach an orgasm, the dominant type will stop so that an orgasm isn’t complete.
So, don’t knock it until you try it. You never know what you’ll be into until you’ve given it a go.
How to try?
It's especially important to protect both people during BDSM with clear communication, boundaries, and consent conversations. "Make sure both partners agree to this type of sex play," says Skyler...then, proceed!
Agree upon a safe word
Safewords or safe signals are important for communication and safety, explains Melancon. So before playing, remember to pick a unique word or action that either of you can express to stop the experience at any given time—no questions asked.
Do your research
Skyler reminds those interested in attempting ruined orgasms to read up on dominant/subordinate power dynamics before starting this type of play.
Learning the how-to's from reliable sources on YouTube or well-known industry professionals can help ensure you have a safer, more educated, and pleasurable experience.
Focus on teasing your partner
Ruined orgasms have to do with the amazing buildup and disappointing letdown of that otherwise long-awaited, exciting moment. That's where the art of teasing comes in!
Slowly tease and build up the sexual tension inside his body. [You] may start and stop just as he's really getting into it, then, after a pause, start back up again.
Stop all stimulation prior to climax
Melancon reminds us that a ruined orgasm is when all stimulation is stopped just prior to orgasm. So right as he's about to orgasm, simply stop all movement and stimulation.
If you've timed it right and he's on the path of no return, his body may begin to convulse and he will moan with discomfort instead of pleasure. Hint: If that happens, you're doing it right!
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So whether you're potentially into the power play, pain, or twisted pleasure of it all, try having your next orgasm ruined. Who knows? You might be way more into it than you expect.